Last night I watched “The Grinch that Stole Christmas” with Luke. Don’t you think the best part is when the Whos sing though their Christmas was thought to have been taken from them? Watching that part this year made me hope I would have such a positive response!
You could say the Whos have great attitudes. Or their Who-manity keenly evolved. Of course they understand the TRUE meaning of Christmas.
I see them having resiliency.
When I used to interview – yikes, like 2 decades ago! – I would often describe myself as resilient. I thought it an impressive word. I saw myself as tough. Able to bounce back in the face of adversity. Truth be told, what adversity did I really ever face back then?
This week has been a weighty one concerning Mitchell. First there is anxiety surrounding my taking Mitchell to Cleveland for his spinal tap on Thursday. Not even so much about whether there will be a finding, but managing him not being able to eat for 8 hours and other prep.
Additionally, Chris took Mitchell to see our Cincinnati neurologist. Mitchell is getting older and his weight and abilities are static. (We were certain he had grown, but he is still at 24.5 pounds and now down to the 3rd percentile.) Chris was told at this point any testing we do is nothing more than fishing and not to expect a cause for why Mitchell is the way he is. M's prognosis was discussed which is unclear without any underlying diagnosis.
It’s always sobering to ponder the unknown future. Easy to want to strap yourself up and be…well be resilient.
Lately I've realized there are problems with being too resilient. Emotionally, you may not pause to let yourself really feel.
I don’t cry often. (Too resilient.) Yesterday driving home after debriefing the doctor’s appointment with Chris by phone, I cried. Wasn’t any big reason too – I just finally let myself respond to a trigger and was authentic in my feelings of disappointment surrounding my beautiful, sweet son. Why can’t he be normal??? Why hasn’t a miracle occurred??? I let myself NOT feel guilty about NOT being tough and capable for a moment.
Speaking of being alone, from a spiritual and community standpoint, when you are too resilient, you may become insular and disconnected. Being too self-reliant isn’t how I believe we are created to be.
There are a lot of Whos in Whoville after all.
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