This piece is very popular in the special needs community. In the past I didn't relate to it all that well - I like to travel and have never been to Holland. Wouldn't I like to go? But stumbled upon it once again while cruising the internet this morning and today it seemed to register. Sharing in case you may not have had a chance to read it yourself.
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
On My Way to Soccer Mom-dom
I’ve heard parents say this, but I’m now experiencing it myself…keeping up with kids’ schedules is rough! I've recently found myself envying minivan owners and I'm wondering if the soccer mom title may soon be fitting.
As Luke closes in on completing kindergarten, there’s field day to attend, parties and summer activity scheduling. Mitchell’s no different. He’s got a trip to the zoo coming up and we’re in the season of routine doctor appointments. I still haven't gotten to updating school paperwork for him. It’s just busy!
Chris took Mitchell to the doctor today. He weighed in at 31 pounds, but is only 35 inches long. So now they are concerned his BMI is too high and consider him overweight. Hard to believe we struggle to get him to eat and get proper nutrition isn’t it?
Late in the afternoon, I visited with our school district’s special needs director in efforts to build a relationship (he’s new) and to get some sort of view on what Mitchell’s future school experience will look like. We have been denied all kinds of nursing and other subsidy assistance so we’d really like to find a way to discontinue daycare in the home once Mitchell is in grade school age-wise. He said he was open to alternative arrangements, but he couldn't commit to anything now. He did encourage me to look again into services offered by our county. I'll do that. I'm sure he can be tough or go by the book sometimes as the laws around special needs services and constrained budgets impact his ability to make accommodations, but overall he seemed sincere so we'll see how it goes.
In a little while Luke has a team meeting with his T-ball team with his first game scheduled for Saturday. That is if it doesn't get rained out. Here in Cincinnati, we've had the rainiest month on record since they started keeping track of rainfall levels. A lot of people get uptight about the weather - not so much usually for me, but I have to say I am even sick of it always raining!
On my way to work I stopped at Walmart to get Luke a baseball glove so he'd have one for tonight as requested. Turns out the one I got was too small so I'm sending him without one. Our sitter Janine is taking him to the meeting for us since Chris and I are attending an annual fundraiser for an inner city school my company supports.
Add to this 7 meetings while at work, 2 loads of laundry and you have the idea of a typical, hectic, fun day around here!
As Luke closes in on completing kindergarten, there’s field day to attend, parties and summer activity scheduling. Mitchell’s no different. He’s got a trip to the zoo coming up and we’re in the season of routine doctor appointments. I still haven't gotten to updating school paperwork for him. It’s just busy!
Chris took Mitchell to the doctor today. He weighed in at 31 pounds, but is only 35 inches long. So now they are concerned his BMI is too high and consider him overweight. Hard to believe we struggle to get him to eat and get proper nutrition isn’t it?
Late in the afternoon, I visited with our school district’s special needs director in efforts to build a relationship (he’s new) and to get some sort of view on what Mitchell’s future school experience will look like. We have been denied all kinds of nursing and other subsidy assistance so we’d really like to find a way to discontinue daycare in the home once Mitchell is in grade school age-wise. He said he was open to alternative arrangements, but he couldn't commit to anything now. He did encourage me to look again into services offered by our county. I'll do that. I'm sure he can be tough or go by the book sometimes as the laws around special needs services and constrained budgets impact his ability to make accommodations, but overall he seemed sincere so we'll see how it goes.
In a little while Luke has a team meeting with his T-ball team with his first game scheduled for Saturday. That is if it doesn't get rained out. Here in Cincinnati, we've had the rainiest month on record since they started keeping track of rainfall levels. A lot of people get uptight about the weather - not so much usually for me, but I have to say I am even sick of it always raining!
On my way to work I stopped at Walmart to get Luke a baseball glove so he'd have one for tonight as requested. Turns out the one I got was too small so I'm sending him without one. Our sitter Janine is taking him to the meeting for us since Chris and I are attending an annual fundraiser for an inner city school my company supports.
Add to this 7 meetings while at work, 2 loads of laundry and you have the idea of a typical, hectic, fun day around here!
Monday, April 25, 2011
My Sweet Conductor
The boys went to their friend Walker's 3rd birthday party a couple weekends ago at EnterTRAINment Junction where it's all things trains all the time. Mitchell looked especially charming in his garb so I had to share it with you. Plus I've been having fun with my photo editing software.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Upon Further Reflection
I've received some comments on this post dated April 19. And I bet even more of you didn't quite know what to think. I've been told...
"Are you mad at me?"
"I'm calling because I read your blog post and I sense you are reaching out."
"No one will want to tell you what's going on with them."
"Hooray, you go Stacey - tell them how it really is."
I've re-read it and mostly thought I sounded cold, callous.
I considered removing the post. Then decided to live in the tension and discomfort. The vulnerability is giving me good things to process. But know I am not mad, I didn't think I was reaching out for help and I do hope you still tell me what is going on in your life!
"Are you mad at me?"
"I'm calling because I read your blog post and I sense you are reaching out."
"No one will want to tell you what's going on with them."
"Hooray, you go Stacey - tell them how it really is."
I've re-read it and mostly thought I sounded cold, callous.
I considered removing the post. Then decided to live in the tension and discomfort. The vulnerability is giving me good things to process. But know I am not mad, I didn't think I was reaching out for help and I do hope you still tell me what is going on in your life!
Easter 2011
My brother and his family came for a visit over Easter weekend and although it seemed to rain non-stop, we squeezed in an egg hunt during a sunny spell. My niece Riley has been doing a lot of rollerskating, so we visited a nearby rink so she could show Grandma Kay her moves. Chris, Luke and I skated too and while we were quite a bit slower, we had a terrific time. On top of all this, there was no shortage of meals to connect over! Then, after my brother left on Sunday, we headed over to have brunch with Chris' parents recently back from spending the winter in Florida. Here are some photos of the weekend's fun:
Here are the kids before the egg hunt in our front yard.
And posing so nicely with Grandma and Pop Pop.
My sweet niece Riley up close. I really noticed how she's growing up lately. She loves fashion and reading.
Nephew Gavin - he's a trip. So creative, always busy, he wanted me to follow him one time and said, "It's okay, there's no monsters."
Sister-in-law Carli came having handmade Mitchell some bibs for his birthday out of dishtowels. I was incredibly touched because as we joked, she's not the crafty type. I can't imagine the time it took for her to stitch these. They are big and will be so useful.
Here's my buddy before opening his basked from Grandma Kay. It was full of lots of treats. We will have candy for weeks and memories forever.
Of course we did not forget the reason for this holiday celebration. We are humbled by the gifts of love and forgiveness.
Blessings to you and your family at this special Easter season!
Here are the kids before the egg hunt in our front yard.
And posing so nicely with Grandma and Pop Pop.
My sweet niece Riley up close. I really noticed how she's growing up lately. She loves fashion and reading.
Nephew Gavin - he's a trip. So creative, always busy, he wanted me to follow him one time and said, "It's okay, there's no monsters."
Sister-in-law Carli came having handmade Mitchell some bibs for his birthday out of dishtowels. I was incredibly touched because as we joked, she's not the crafty type. I can't imagine the time it took for her to stitch these. They are big and will be so useful.
Here's my buddy before opening his basked from Grandma Kay. It was full of lots of treats. We will have candy for weeks and memories forever.
Of course we did not forget the reason for this holiday celebration. We are humbled by the gifts of love and forgiveness.
Blessings to you and your family at this special Easter season!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Shallow and thin
One of the songs we sing with Luke is "Deep and Wide." You know..."There's a fountain flowing deep and wide." Well lately when I go to write a more insightful blog post, feelings seem a whole lot more shallow and thin than deep and wide. I'm blank.
I'm really okay with this because when I started blogging again, I did it mostly for me. I'm good with this blog being my personal family scrapbook that just happens to get to be shared with family and most important friends. But it's also cathartic to write about more meaningful emotion. I guess my heart hasn't been in it.
Truth is, lately my work days have been jam packed leaving the time I do have away rushed. I admit I've had moments of being down and stressed. But I also have generally been fine "keeping keeping on" surface level - not overly dwelling on my feelings. I'm over having pity parties for myself as it relates to having a different type of a child. Instead I'm reveling in the love my family has for one another and how that's the most important thing.
Maybe I've said it all.
Except there are some things haven't been said. I tried to say them when I started a different blog, but no one really knew to go to that web address. These are things I'd really like to go deep with you on so you can learn from this precious gift I've been given - the chance to get better at acceptance and patience.
This pointed advice looks like:
“Appreciate your child is normal.”
…one of mine is not
“Treasure siblings fighting.”
…my children can’t even play together
“Don’t sweat it if your child is a picky eater.”
…my son hardly eats at all
“Getting up occasionally at night for your child isn’t the end of the world.”
…mine gets up all the time and we have to give him medicine to sleep
“Pause before telling your children to shut up.”
…my 4 yr old has never said a word
"Messes, who cares?"
...he'll never play with a toy.
If it sounds like I'm in a constant state of zen-motherhood, I'm not! I'm not bitter either. I just sometimes want to scream, "GET OVER IT" on things that relatively seem no big deal.
I'm so very lucky for the breadth of perspective Mitchell has given me enabling me to stay more shallow and thin day-to-day. Wait a minute, not quite reached "thin" if every sense, but that's another blog post entirely!
I'm really okay with this because when I started blogging again, I did it mostly for me. I'm good with this blog being my personal family scrapbook that just happens to get to be shared with family and most important friends. But it's also cathartic to write about more meaningful emotion. I guess my heart hasn't been in it.
Truth is, lately my work days have been jam packed leaving the time I do have away rushed. I admit I've had moments of being down and stressed. But I also have generally been fine "keeping keeping on" surface level - not overly dwelling on my feelings. I'm over having pity parties for myself as it relates to having a different type of a child. Instead I'm reveling in the love my family has for one another and how that's the most important thing.
Maybe I've said it all.
Except there are some things haven't been said. I tried to say them when I started a different blog, but no one really knew to go to that web address. These are things I'd really like to go deep with you on so you can learn from this precious gift I've been given - the chance to get better at acceptance and patience.
This pointed advice looks like:
“Appreciate your child is normal.”
…one of mine is not
“Treasure siblings fighting.”
…my children can’t even play together
“Don’t sweat it if your child is a picky eater.”
…my son hardly eats at all
“Getting up occasionally at night for your child isn’t the end of the world.”
…mine gets up all the time and we have to give him medicine to sleep
“Pause before telling your children to shut up.”
…my 4 yr old has never said a word
"Messes, who cares?"
...he'll never play with a toy.
If it sounds like I'm in a constant state of zen-motherhood, I'm not! I'm not bitter either. I just sometimes want to scream, "GET OVER IT" on things that relatively seem no big deal.
I'm so very lucky for the breadth of perspective Mitchell has given me enabling me to stay more shallow and thin day-to-day. Wait a minute, not quite reached "thin" if every sense, but that's another blog post entirely!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Minute to Win It Night with Family Campers
The Family Camp we got to with our church friends is coming early this year and we gathered last night with the gang for some pre-camp weekend fun. With a "Minute to Win It" theme, we sang together then played some silly games and of course ended the night with desserts. Luke concentrated most during the bucket-head round, but seemed to enjoy best the mummy game (how wrapped could you get without a break in the roll) and the junk in the trunk game (shake around until you got the ping pong balls out of the tissue box strapped on with a belt.) We love this community of friends!
PS: Finally I took the time to figure out how to get my photos larger! Hooray!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Kindergarten Musical
What a wonderful night we had on Tuesday enjoying Luke's first class performance. Fish themed, the songs were pretty good - I still can't get "Commotion in the Ocean" or "Oceans of Fun" tunes out of my head! Each child had his or her own line to say and Luke did a terrific job. Grandma Kay and Pop Pop joined us in the high school theater and then we went out for a treat afterwards. It's hard to believe Luke has only 1 month more of Kindergarten!
(Click on any picture to enlarge.)
(Click on any picture to enlarge.)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Findlay Market
It's a beautiful day so we started it off with a trip to Findlay Market in downtown Cincinnati. We enjoyed the atmosphere, some treats along the way like Belgian waffles and a shared portion of Dojo gelato. Luke's showing marketing instincts saying after tasting the sweet treat, "It's one of a kind." Everyone has raved about it, and now I know why!
Chris also bought some brats, steakburgers, a bottle of wine to take to friends, fruits and some red pepper jelly. I bought locally grown honey determined to try out the assumption that if you take a spoonful every day, seasonal allergies will be reduced.
People are friendly at the market. It was bright out so Mitchell kept his eyes closed most of the time. There must have been 10 people who commented on how handsome he is and his extremely long lashes!
We finished the morning by spending some time swinging at the adjacent park. When I tell people about the market, so many locals comment they've never been there. If you haven't, head over on a Saturday or Sunday morning. It won't disappoint!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
One Man's Mito Fight
Click HERE to see an inspirational northern Ohio man's story of his fight against Mitochondrial Disease. He happens to be my sister-in-law's friend's father.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Chain Calendar
Well, this year's is made. Luke and I made one of these last year too - a paper chain with each piece representing an important and fun thing coming up this spring and summer. Each time an event arrives, the piece of the chain is removed. It's fun to look forward to an activity, but also good to be able to give perspective that it's is still a bit off...like someone's August birthday for instance! Excuse the quality of the cell phone camera shot, but here is a look at our chain calendar mid-way through its creation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)