I don't know why it's just dawning on me - most of us don't know what to do when faced with a person who is different because of physical or mental disabilities. It doesn't matter if you know them personally or come across someone when shopping, at school or at church. I also don't think most people know how to interact with the caregiver of a disabled person either.
Exactly on this point, I attended a conference this winter directed at parents of special needs children and their families or other supporters. It was put on by a church and a counseling organization that studied 12 families for one year to see how they were affected. They even passed out a handout of what to say and not to say to families. I can periodically share such tips. But for now, here are a couple of the presentations from that session.
Whether you take the time to view or not, here's one thing we like. We like when Mitchell is included and not ignored. For instance, I absolutely love when restaurant servers ask to take Mitchell's order. They are treating him just like any other child. I always thank them for including him. You wouldn't believe how many servers just ignore him!
It's also really okay to ask what is affecting Mitchell. It shows us care when someone says to us, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but can you tell me about his condition?"
I don't like it so much when people try to be helpful but it comes across as critical. There is a difference. Like the woman who rushed up to pull down Mitchell's shirt that rode up upon just getting placed in his wheelchair. She said, "Don't you see he's getting cold?" I unfortunately take these interactions personally, but usually wind up tossing them aside because that person may be dealing with something similar or also difficult of which I'm unaware.
One last point, we sense conversation about Mitchell is just as tricky when you've known us a long time. Don't worry, we sense when not to go on and on. But it is nice to be asked about how he's doing regularly rather than never bringing up his health. And volunteering to help us is always received! Mitchell's Uncle Terry always rushes out to meet us when we arrive at family events taking a turn at carrying the wheelchair and Mitchell's necessary supplies.
I sure hope this is helpful! I come into contact with more special needs people than most and I admit I sometimes struggle with what to say myself!
And another one at:
http://vimeo.com/user5775341/ready-set-grew-presented-by-steve-griebling-and-gail-bren
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